Legend of a Suicide

Sun pools of light
under the eyes
noses for beaks 
made from untruth
yes you are human
Yes you are flesh
but no ordinary man?
Poet.

What mortal creature
created you
My man, 

for you no longer stand tall. 
Taller than the rose-bushes in your mystic domes
Taller than see-sickness
Taller than the red hills
at night
scattered with pots of ghosts
taller than your father's Kashmiri village

In the long snow... 
Dewey with
guns

I saw you
fish
I saw you
soldier
army boots
dancing
in a poultry farm
singing

coloured
beams

I wanted to touch you -
innocence

(Even in my dream, i run,
to hide from a poem or two)

and wipe on my
stomach, 
the snarl of an angry lip,
curling 

My lover is
not mine -
none will be.
I lost you,
I lost all...

and have
since only wanted more loss.
someone says, 
i fear too many things
And I lie and say yes, I do.


***


Come back in flash floods
in Tsunamis
let me tremble 
inside your words  
And long-dead letters
let me be lonely 

as I always was
a saint, a holy grail, a lost moonless light with soft blood.
a tired tree with five thousand nights

All that i am not anymore.
Why?

Let me be
let me be
let me be
let me be
let me beletmebe let me be
let me be

please leave me

I cannot be awakened
with your demons

I want to die
before I see you
again.


I was a hero.

My man,

Will always be
a coward.